Walking Away
From Divorce Into Awareness
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Walking Away
From Divorce Into Awareness |
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Walking Away
From Divorce Into Awareness To
analyze the
breakdown of a intimate relationship is a daunting task. Is it, first
of all,
worth all the effort? No one can answer this except the person caught
up in
such a circumstance. Even then, that person cannot be sure if their
efforts
will give them a better understanding of this complex dynamic. By
delving into the
connections that people have in their relationships, more mysteries
than truths
expose themselves. We start to realize the many different lines of
communication that are available to each partner. Which ones are used
and the
manner in which they are used are open to each individual and hence the
complexity. There is no formula to predict how a relationship may turn
out. But
certain truths did present themselves to me. By
necessity, I
researched all the available data, case histories, therapist's
opinions, and
incredible stories that dealt with the "Walkaway Wife" phenomenon. I
wanted all of the information possible to try and figure out why my
wife of 21
years wanted out of our marriage. Certain questions kept coming back to
me. Did
she fall out of love with me just like that? Was it Depression,
Mid-Life
Crisis, Pre-menopause and hormonal imbalances? Was I looking for
reasons or
just excuses to explain a sudden marriage break-up? My sons and I were
at a
loss to come to any cognitive reasons for such irrational events. Then
the
truth hit me like a freight train. There
were no real
answers or solutions on the conscious level of the mind. I had to go
beyond the
mind of thoughts to the core of the problem, the ego. The ego that the
mind
creates in order to give it a means to confront the onslaught of the
outside
world. A world that it feels threatened by. Certainly fear has its
place in the
dissolution of relationships just as it does in most of our activities.
I began
to sense her fears. Fear of the future, of being inadequate, of time
slipping
by, and so on. I examined my fear of the future. Fear of being alone,
of
divorce procedures, of isolation from my children or raising them
alone. I
realized that time, future, past, and present, contributes greatly to
fear. The
past no longer exists except as bits of memory and the future is not
here and
is only a image in our mind of what might be. The only time that really
exists
is the present moment. The only point that real change can take place. I
had to relieve my
self of these entangled burdens, fear and time. The ego creates them as
a
defense mechanism but is the ego itself necessary? My search for
answers led me
to see that the ego causes most of man's problems in dealing with one
another.
When we dispense with the ego, our true nature is brought forth. The
fog is
lifted. Your spiritual side, the one that is connected to all things,
is
allowed to shine through. Through
the most
torturous time of my life, I began to realize that I alone was
responsible for
my reactions to world. I had let my ego, with all of its defense
mechanisms,
run my world. While happiness/unhappiness are temporary phases of our
situation
in life and subjective from the view of the ego, joy and compassion are
products of the awakening of the spiritual being that we all posses.
The
awareness of this truth has set me free.
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